Why me? Why now? Why this?

Let me tell you a little story about me... that I have a good feeling you will be able to resonate with!

It is important for you to have a little background about how I have wound up here sharing my health with complete strangers in the hopes of connecting with other women.

I had been dealing with health challenges from a very young age, due to a heart condition, atrial fibrillation and SVT, that I got diagnosed with during childhood. I got a catheter ablation done in 2016 that fixed the arrhythmia. Additionally, I was diagnosed with chronic migraines with aura at the age of twelve. So, needless to say, I had already gotten a small taste of how health conditions can affect your life both positively and negatively from a young age. However, I was new to the space of not being believed and dismissed over and over again.

I am literally writing this blog post with a heating pad over my lower abdomen and pelvis due to the extreme pain, the irony is baffling.

Now fast forward to 2019, I am living abroad in one of the most gorgeous places on earth, Buenos Aires, Argentina. I am having one of the greatest life changing experiences and I start to continuously get sick with gastric issues. Inevitably the thoughts started to flow: Why me? Why now? Why this? And in those initial moments is when the narrative started and it is unfortunately something that I am still struggling with in 2026. Therefore, the medical carousel that started in 2019 has somehow kept spinning and I am literally still on the ride today, on January 26th, 2026.

When you get on the chronic illness train it is extremely challenging to get off, because the medical system is not designed to help you get off. It is designed to keep you on and spending all of your money on insurance bills and on new tests and procedures in the hopes of finding the answer. The medical system was not designed for people with chronic conditions that need life long care, cross collaboration of departments, and proper follow ups. The health space is working on adapting but it has a long way to go.

I thought my carousel ride of doctor’s appointments was going to come to a halt after I got my endometriosis diagnosis in February 2024; however, it

was the absolute opposite, it only sped up! One thing kept turning into another thing and that thing turned out to be something else. My mind was spinning and all I could feel was the world slowly backing me into a dark corner with all the good things in my life getting farther and farther away from me. I say this because when doctors started to eliminate harmful or pain causing activities in my life, I felt like there was barely anything left and I still feel this way sometimes. The narrative of why me? why now? why this? just kept getting louder with each new diagnosis along the carousel ride.

I was 26 when I was diagnosed with endo, which is absolutely crazy that it took doctors that long to understand that my symptoms weren’t just “normal period symptoms” or IBS. I can’t stand the blanket diagnosis of IBS. Yes, it is real and yes it affects a lot of people, but it can’t just be the catch all diagnosis. I didn’t gain any benefit from my endo surgery which was a shock to all the doctors on my team, causing them all to look elsewhere, aka, sending me to a copious amount of other top doctors. However, I did gain one thing that day when I woke up from my endo surgery, I gained the largest amount of validation thus far in my medical journey, because yes there was something medically wrong and it was proven with the biopsies. Now, I don’t want anyone reading this to not think that I am immensely grateful for the incredible team of top doctors that I have seen because I am, but it can be extremely tiring and belittling when top doctors look at you so confused and perplexed by your body. I can be so grateful and also tired of the carousel ride of doctors and so can you.

I was determined to figure out what was still causing me so much pain, which led me to see some top doctors in Los Angeles, Mayo Clinic, and at San Diego Sexual Medicine. Regardless of having the narrative of why now? why now? why this? I was still so determined to figure out what was going on with me because it is my body afterall. 2025 is when I really started to get some true pieces of my medical puzzle figured out and I also started to realize what the narrative of why me? why now? why this? could be more of a positive narrative than a negative one.

In 2025, I was diagnosed with lymphocytic and collagenous colitis, neuro proliferative vestibulodynia, may thurner’s syndrome, and pelvic congestion syndrome. Now for a long time I thought diagnoses were scary and limiting, but I have a whole new appreciation for the idea of a diagnosis. I think a diagnosis helps provide a “road map” for doctors and myself to design a treatment plan for my healing. It provides me with an

immense feeling of validation because my symptoms that I had been advocating for are now fully backed and supported by medical data. Even though I got these diagnoses, I still don’t understand and it seems like I may never fully understand why me? why now? why this? because not even the brightest minds in the medical space know the answer to these questions. It all comes down to adapting to the new “normal” for my body, my career, my personal life, and my love life. This leads me to today and the newly edited narrative of, how can I use my experiences to help other women feel less stuck in the seemingly negative narrative of why me? why now? why this? . My old narrative got me here and got me to share my story with other women that are on a similar carousal ride as me. I think it is really important to understand that you are your own best advocate and no one on this earth will fight harder for your care than you, so don’t stop fighting to know the why’s and how’s, but also don’t blame yourself because it is not your fault. I will say one more time... your health struggles are not your fault!